Example:I’ll call or text, and if you don’t respond for a long while, I’ll wrack my brain trying to figure out why you’d hate me. Omg, did I drink too much wine and say her shoes were fug, did I talk too much about my aching hips and annoy him, etc., omg, what have I done to make you hate meeeeeeeee?But then I decide that you just can’t hate me. You just can’t. I’ve thought of every possible scenario and I just don’t know why you could possibly be mad at me.What could it be?HOLY SHIT.You got hit by a bus and you’re in a full-body cast and you can’t even speak and no one knew to call me. Oh, bless your heart, I bet you’ve been trying to tell everyone to try to get ahold of me, like George was on Grey’s and he was doing the 007 to Meredith but she didn’t know until the end and then it was too late! Dear God, noooooo, why did I wait this long?CALL ALL THE HOSPITALS!!Hmm, not in a full-body cast, you say?No one with that name admitted?Oh shit, you’re being held at gunpoint at a bank/gas station/courthouse/hospital! Don’t try to be the hero, just give him the money and stay silent!PLEASE DON’T GET SHOT!!!Let me turn on the news!! It will surely be on CNN.Hmm. No robberies either.Stumped.
Have I mentioned that my tender heart is BFFs with my appalling imagination? Obviously.