It’s easy to get lost in the now when you’re looking toward the future. Even though I bemoan getting older, I often look forward into the great What Will Be. I daydream about where I’ll be in one year, two years, five years. Whether I’ll be healthy or be married or have a child (or ninety-seven). Where I’ll live, what I’ll do, who I’m with. As I’ve grown up, I’ve started a very grown up habit of making goals for myself. In and of itself, I think, it’s a good thing. Everyone needs to write down goals to make them real, even me. My problem is that I tend to get lost in the process of always trying to be something better instead of enjoying what I am while striving for more.
I can’t remember who posted this earlier (almost positive it was a celebrity), but it was about hearing a quote that changed her life, and while I’ll surely end up butchering it, here we go:
if you were just you, the you that you are right this second- the you at this weight, with this job, living in this apartment, with your wardrobe- if you had nothing beyond what you are at this moment- can you be happy with it?
If the answer is no, we fumbled on the goal(setting)line. We spent so much time making life goals that we’re overlooking life itself. I look so much at what I “should” be that I forget to appreciate what I am and where I’m at.
Tyler, this is way more than Sasquatch dreams and the occasional marriage equality rant. What blog did I stumble upon?
Why, yes. Yes, it is more than Sasquatch riding a four-wheeler. Let me tell you how I got here.
I took Lou-Dog for a walk this evening. Say what you will about Daylight Savings Time, but it timed itself almost exactly with the stretched-out sunlight and lingering days. We started across the Junction Bridge from our little home in North Little Rock’s Argenta area to wander around in the Rivermarket of downtown Little Rock. It was around 6:30 and the sort of evening that gets described in perfect, wonderful ways by writers that are far more eloquent than me. Dusk has always been my favorite time of day, and evenings like this one remind me why. We were on the bridge, Louie sniffing everyone we passed as they grinned at his puffy little body and shiny pink tongue that was already waggling outside his mouth.
A slight breeze was coming off the river, and the sun had just started to set, and Louie had pulled me to the side of the bridge to sniff Lord-knows-what that was stuck to the metal siding, and I was able to quiet myself for just a second.
And for that second, I was perfectly content. Absolutely, positively, 100% perfectly content with myself and my life just as it is.
I wasn’t concerned with the stepcount on my FitBit.
I wasn’t worried about work.
I wasn’t anxious about my overwhelming student loan debt, and how I could pay so. much. more. on them if I’d relegate myself to a life of hermitude.*
I wasn’t wondering if all the goals I had set for my personal life had been slowly slipping out of reach.
In that moment, I saw my life and my current state for what it was: good.
And I was happy and content, and I sat on top of the bridge and took it all in with my fluffy little BFF.
Sometimes, you just need moments like that.